Larry and Eloise, accuse the other of being psychologically dysfunctional. Larry offers to have this conflict resolved by a trusted other person, of Eloise’s choice. She refuses. I started this post on 08/31/2017, as the situation had become critical. I will not harm Eloise, but I am not sure she will not attempt to harm me. She has not threatened me, but I can’t predict what she might do – given her mental state (my assessment) and my blocking her efforts to win the sweepstakes. She actively conspires against me, over the phone – I listen – with persons I believe are scammers. This report is ordered from the most recent. Feel free to skim.
********************************** OCT 8, 2017
Many days have passed. The scammers still call, but not as frequently, and Eloise shows no more interest in them, or winning. However, there remains great differences in how I (Larry), Eloise, and Tommy view the reality here.
I believe Eloise’s judgement is rapidly deteriorating, along with being more and more forgetful. She continues to deny anything wrong other than depression. Both of us have our physical conditions declining. Many tasks remain undone in the house. I fear driving with Eloise. She can steer, but her judgements on where to steer keeps me alert. She resents my frequent calls of alert.
Tommy continues to treat this house as his private domain. Sept 28, Tommy and I had a major pushing and shouting event, and I cannot continue to live with him dominant (and Eloise backing him). Yet, I don’t have the strength to move out, immediately. I will be seeking assistance from others. Eloise and I can’t assist each other and maintain this house and property. Tommy and Renee may move in when I move out.
********************************** SEPT 20, 2017
It greatly saddens me to make this entry today. I had come to believe that Eloise was finally out of the clutches of sweepstakes scammers. Unfortunately, I believe they may actually have her hypnotized to respond to their voices. Certainly, she seems under their control. Also, the strange look on her face when I took her phones from her hand, was scary – as if she didn’t know why.
This morning we were late for our 9am appointment with our banker at Hughes FCU. Even with my cosigning a loan, we are not eligible for any more loans. We were looking for about $1,500, to pay those auto payments due this month, and $500 to buy Eloise a new puppy, as a service dog, as Piper has health problems and must be “retired” as her service dog, but we will keep Piper. I had finally felt Eloise was mentally OK to train a new dog. Now I wonder.
Eloise went out to get her meds at Walmart, and I tried to find a way out of our financial problems on my computer. Eloise returned, had not gone to Walmart, but had visited Kohls (no purchases, she said – her credit at Kohls no long exists). Then we were bombarded by calls from scammers on both the home phone and her cell. There had been calls from scammers at 6am, as I had forgotten to take the phone off the hook. Eloise later told me there had also been early calls on her cell. These had awakened her, and she had difficulty getting back to sleep – so she was late in waking and was late meeting her appointment with her banker.
I finally put the landline offline as the callers were very insistent. When I put it back online, there was an immediate call, which I answered. The man said he was on his way to deliver the check and wanted to talk with Eloise. I said, deliver the check, but we will pay no money – and gave the phone to Eloise, while I listened. He asked whether she had sent him money this morning and she said yes, $220. Then he said he needed more money, and to use her credit cards. She said all her cards were maxed out. I went into the living room to confront Eloise about her sending them money today. She admitted she had. I took the home phone from her and hung it up. Her cell immediately called, twice, so I turned the cell off. Eloise “fought” me to keep her phones. I didn’t hit her, but she shied away as if I might.
When I took her credit and bank cards from her purse, I found a receipt in a SunWest bank envelope, from FRYS, where she sent $220 via Western Union to a place in Jamaica. The exchange rate was on the receipt: 27 256 30 JMD. It was to an EGLON VASSELL at Esperon an Pago, Jamica. It could have been reversed, in 30 minutes. How, how, could Eloise have believed this was legitimate? She had received the call, with instructions to send money, on her cell after she went out with the car. She says the call was a man from US Bank, but she knew the money was going to Jamaica.
Eloise stole the $220 (plus $9.99 for the Western Union fee) from her dear friend Raul, who had given her his money to deposit for him in the SunWest FCU. Earlier Eloise had stolen over $2,000 from that account – which appears is now exhausted. She has expressed great sadness for having taken the money from Raul, and yesterday had agreed – that when we get some money – she must first pay back Raul. I have yet to tell Raul of her theft.
Eloise’s PCP, who I gave access to this document, on a letter delivered to the El Rio center last Friday, has not responded. Eloise says she and his nurse laughed, when she had told her that I was questioning her sanity. She has an appointment, for her normal checkup, in late October.
I am at a loss of what to do next.
All afternoon and into the evening this scammer continues to call. He will “deliver the check” as soon as Eloise permits him to payoff some our credit cards and then send him money, from them. Eloise knows this is a scam, yet the scammer insists HE won’t take back his payoff after he receives the money. The way Eloise talks to him, I am sure that if I weren’t here, and have her keys and cards, she would be out there sending him money. I have now also confiscated our home phones. The scammer just called again!!! Are they psychopathic?
********************************** SEPT 18, 2017
A wild morning. Was awakened by a call from scammer, “Mary”, wondering why I hadn’t called; she asked me to look at her emai6 to mel, which her boss approved. It was a one liner from “mega millions”. The one line was a url to install AVAST security, which I did. The email or AVANT may have loaded malware into my system, as it was three hours later that I was functional, again. There also was a four page WORD doc, that wasn’t a WORD doc when I first looked at it – maybe AVAST made it available. My printer misbehaved and my modem cut off online contacts – eventually restored.
The 4 page doc was traditional scam. “Global International” details about the winnings and how to obtain the delivery of the check – including a picture of the check – for $17,500,000. The only concrete reference (for confirmation) was a phone number to arrange to pay $35,000 processing fee (“please ensure that all receipts of are kept safely in your possession so you can receive full reimbursement of all your payments made to the company after receiving your prize“). I Googled “global international scam” and found a page of urls about their scams, one citing 25,914 complaints. While doing this, “Mary” hounded me on both my home and Eloise’s cell phone. Two other male scammers also called this morning. I need to install the call blocker I purchased a week ago.
Eloise seems convinced that all her potential winnings were scams. She is depressed at having lost so much money, as she needs some now so as to buy a new service dog. She devotes all discretionary hours online hunting for a suitable service dog. It appears that Golden Retrievers are not all that available!
My subjective, overall impression is of Eloise as a little girl trying to play adult. I can no longer engage her in dialog on anything but the immediate and trivial. She views TV programming and TV ads with the same interest. Little tasks accumulate. Often, when she speaks, she delays as searching for the words. I have not yet inquired of her friends, who she will engage in long phone conversations, as to their impressions of her “mind”.
********************************** SEPT 16, 2017
Yesterday I gave Eloise her car keys, her cell phone, and her CHASE debit card. She got a new HUGHES debit card, as we had lost the older card. Eloise promises not to send any money, and we have none to send. She has driven the KIA carefully.
We continue to receive early morning scam calls from males, now voice messages as we have the phone “off hook”. “Mary” called yesterday, and Eloise resumed a friendly conversation, welcoming her call. She asked Eloise to fully trust her and try to get a cell phone so I won’t listen in. At this point I entered the conversation and told her we couldn’t trust anything we receive, by phone, mail, or email WITHOUT independent verification. I asked “Mary” to send me emails-* as to her employer and other means whereby I might validate her. She agreed on sending me an email. She had very great difficulty writing down my email address accurately; as if email addresses were foreign. Scammer, Mark, had a similar behavior. “Mary” eventually did verbally state my email correctly. To date, I have not received an email from her.
Although I remain open that Eloise may have actually won something, she continues to accuse me of blocking her and seems not to comprehend that I must verify. She told “Mary” it was like “living in jail”.
All of the credit cards, which Eloise had scammers pay-off what we owed, have reversed their payments. They had claimed they could no longer reverse payments, so it was safe to send them money to pay the fees for processing the sweepstakes winning. The scammer paying off our Kohl’s account, did reverse after Eloise had sent them $2,500, which we lost. I had blocked her from doing this with 3 other cards. Due to our finances, we used the cards before the payoffs were reversed, and now all accounts are in debt well beyond their maximums.
On Friday, 9/14, I delivered a one page note to Eloise’s PCP, stating my concerns and giving him the url to this page. I have not heard from him, as yet – but it is the weekend. My PCP claims it isn’t ethical for her to contact Eloise’s PCP. Eloise scheduled an appointment with her PCP in late October, with no mention of a need for mental competency evaluation. From Eloise’s perspective, I am the problem.
Eloise’s everyday behavior is quiet without affect; she claims being depressed, over finances and my behavior. She watches TV, searches online for a new service dog and sleeps a lot. I had her computer repaired so it is easier for her to use. She had no interest in our eating out (with the exception of eating Chinese last night, which she enjoyed). Tommy is only interested in fixing up his workshop, and has not read a printed copy of this page, I gave him to read. He views Eloise and our problems as only temporary. Neither Tommy or Eloise seems capable of planning ahead. Even if Eloise hasn’t Alzhemers, we can’t maintain this household, into the future, without considerable assistance – which we can’t pay for.
I am stymied as what to do next.
********************************** SEPT 13, 2017
Early morning, as I prepare a message for Eloise’s PCP, we get a call from scammer “Mary”, who Eloise deems a “friend”, and hasn’t called for days. She claims to be helping Eloise resist scammers, but also offers her how to receive her real money. I had to take the phone from Eloise. As I typed the last sentence, I was interrupted by another scammer, a male.
Yesterday morning we were bombarded by many calls from three different male scammers. One. I speculate, must be a psychopath – given the incessant repeat calling. He must have robocall, as I get a call from him immediately after putting our home phone back on the hook.
I permitted Eloise to drive for our shopping trip to COSTCO. Two times she failed to make the needed turn, and we had to do a U-turn. Driving into the parking lot she drove over a large curb and blew a front tire. It was quickly repaired by AAA. When driving the cart inside the store, I feared she was going to run over others. She claims it was only due to her “not feeling good”.
********************************** SEPT 11. 2017
By 10am, Eloise received calls from two male scammers. Their approach was very similar. I wish I had the competencies to record these calls; but I listen in – and Eloise knows this. She told both men she would send them more money if she was able to. When I confronted Eloise about her statements, she said she just told them that, but wouldn’t send them more money. I can’t believe her. She complained that Tommy and I control her, she has no credit cards (which she was asked by the men to use) and no cell phone. Earlier this morning Eloise told me she really believed there was money out there for her. She seems unable to maintain the connection between what she “knows” about scams and what she is asked to do. Her need to win over rides everything.
I very much need to have Eloise examined by competent medical persons. But, this record of her behavior must be part of their assessment.
********************************** SEPT 10. 2017
Three relatively quiet days, with one disruptive moment. Birthday dinner out last night with Steph, Tommy and Jordan. Otherwise it has been “stay at home”. Tommy and Eloise did a major throwaway from Tommy’s bedroom (here at Koralee Place), Saturday.
Friday there were a few phone calls from “Mary”, who had come to Tucson to help Eloise and was staying in a hotel at the airport (she told Eloise). Plans were made for Eloise and I to meet with her, or she was to visit us. Then, nothing. “Mary” (who also had another name) is a very strange phenomenon among the scammer population. Mark, who was the recent recipient of most of the money Eloise gave out, continues to call. To my frustration, Eloise is willing to talk with him, and their conversation gets more and more “intimate”. As I listen in, he demands that Eloise get her cell and go out of the house to talk with him. I speculate he has some “hypnotic” control over Eloise. With Tommy’s concurrence, Eloise has not been given back her cell phone. We can’t trust what she would do under Mark’s influence.
Eloise did purchase an AT&T burner cell phone, which seems not to work, and probably is defective. The one bad event was when I struggled to take that cell phone from her. She broke my glasses and she has a bump on her forehead. The struggles was less than a minute.
Yesterday, a statement came from SunWest FCU, stating a deposit of $2,420. Eloise says that money has already been given away. I came from a friend who give it to Eloise to deposit in an special account for him!
Eloise continues to insist there is nothing wrong with her “mind”; other than being depressed and wanting to have money. She admits to “making a mistake”. She is aware that we now have no money to buy a new service dog, or to go on vacation. I’ve received no response from my request to have Eloise’s PCP call me. Dr. Wilson has no email, so I can’t send him this url. Tommy has not commented on having read a copy of this. I am unable to talk with Tommy on anything other than the trivial. He lectures me on what to do? Tommy has vast gaps in basic knowledge, but “knows everything” relevant.
********************************** SEPT 7, 2017
I can’t believe it is only one day, so much has happened. Eloise came home yesterday afternoon, and Tommy came to work in his shop. He was so busy I couldn’t get his attention to inform him about Eloise. Mid evening, while watching TV, with Tommy in the room,I got a phone call from the Tucson Police. I took the phone to my bedroom, and gave a summary our our situation, saying that the crisis had lessened, but the problem remained. He asked if we had any family, and I told him Tommy was here. He asked to speak with Tommy, even though Tommy had not yet been told of the situation. I gave the phone to Tommy, along with a printout of this document. Tommy was on the phone more than half an hour. Then, he talked with Eloise, alone for more than an hour; then he talked with me.
Tommy said he would read the doc, but he hasn’t had time. He just left our house for his house, staying up all night and all day, today. He left about 8:30pm, quite tired.
He tried hard to tell Eloise she couldn’t continue to give away money. Eloise has been deeply depressed all day. Tommy reports conversations where she doesn’t make sense. Eloise seems unable to understand that she has done wrong, and that she may have deep problems. She refuses to talk about it with me. Today I discovered that when she was out yesterday, she had taken the $900 from her CHASE checking account. She must have been instructed not to withdraw directly from her CHASE account.
I remain puzzled about Mary. When I talked with the officer on the phone, before giving it to Tommy, I mentioned Mary. He said no Federal Agent would do this. I don’t know what scam Mary may be setting up. We have no more money, but we have a house and car. She may have helped Eloise get back some money, so she could later get it. Eloise is unclear how she “met” Mary. Eloise says Mary lives in Vegas, but has just come to Tucson, taken a hotel room, and plans to meet Eloise F2F. I haven’t heard any more about this and we haven’t had more calls.
Today is Eloise’s 72nd birthday. She has had phone calls from about 5 of her friends. I didn’t listen in, but I wonder if they sensed anything different about Eloise. One of her friends sent her a birthday check for $1,000 and another check for $1,000 for me, to help with expenses. This friend has read the first draft of this document. I had told Eloise that I had sent it to her, but Eloise didn’t appear phased. She had a long phone conversation with that friend today. I deposited both checks in Eloise’s CHASE account, as she had left it empty with about $2,000 bills to be automatically paid from that account.
Eloise doesn’t have a debit card for that account, but a new one is coming in the mail. I need to confiscate it. Somehow an escort service had used her account and CHASE took her card.
Tommy is determined to help us. He has many good ideas, but also doesn’t fully comprehend all the complications. He thinks we need to see therapists, which might help. But, all past attempts at joint therapy resulted in Eloise overtly trying to get the therapist to believe untrue things about me. Eloise must be evaluated for possible Alzheimer’s and other dementia. At this point she is non responsive to such requests.
Tonight I prepared a good dinner, and we watched TV until Eloise fell asleep in he chair – which is happening quite frequently. She is now in bed, sleeping.
I need to talk with Tommy about whether to permit Eloise to drive the KIA. We don’t know where she may go, next. Also, her condition may have deteriorated such that it wouldn’t be safe for her to drive.
********************************** SEPT 6, 2017
Five hours, so far today, trying to untangle the mess Eloise is putting us through. Since Sept 2, we have been living in a truce – neither mentioning the money issue. We lived those days in routine, peppered with many senior moments. I kept up balancing the money on Quicken. Together, on Labor Day, we placed many online orders for little things from many catalogs, that Eloise has been collecting. Charged them to Citi Costo card. Eloise devotes much time, frustrated on her dysfunctional computer, trying to find a service dog puppy, as Piper must be retired. I knew I was putting off what is needed. I avoided telling Tommy about this situation; he is so stressed and not receptive.
Eloise was on the phone early this morning, and as I got up about 9am, she was leaving with her purse over her shoulder. She arrogantly refused to tell me where she was going, and said “it isn’t your business” to my query whether she was planning to send out more money.
It appears that is what she did. She got $900 cash at the SouthWest FCU (the source of the money yet unknown – not from any of our regular accounts) and sent it Western Union to someone she called a “banker”, in Florida. She refuses to tell me where she got the $900, and that “it was not your money”. I received a call from “Mary”, a new “friend” of Eloise, who confided to me that she was a Federal Agent trying to protect Eloise from being charged with money laundering, with a possible 10 years prison sentence. Eloise shrugged this off, when I told her. Mary asked me to call the police, which I did, gave information over the phone and was told someone would come to the house. They haven’t come as of this writing. I also gave the police Mary’s phone number. Mary also tried to cancel the Western Union payment, but was too late.
Mary is frustrated the Eloise isn’t listening to her. I don’t think Mary is accepting that Eloise simply can’t be rational, due to her Altzhemer’s. I don’t know how to get medical assistance for Eloise.
Mary claims that she retrieved $500 for Eloise a few days ago. Eloise just sent it back. Yesterday, Eloise used an ATM to withdraw $100 cash, twice, from my Compass account. She is out now. When she returns I will try to confiscate all her cards and her car keys. Wish me luck.
********************************** SEPT 2, 2017
This morning Eloise has been on the phone with a woman, claiming to be a lawyer and possibly also a psychologist. She is advising Eloise how to get back her $500, and not to send money to anyone else. The way she talks I speculate she is another scammer wanting her cut. She advises Eloise to work against me; that I have no “right” to confiscate her cell phone and credit card. Eloise says she will go get another cell phone, so I can’t listen in. Eloise rants about how she helps me: putting on my socks and knee brace, fixing my pony tail. She describes me as looking like a crazy man. I probably will cut my hair as I haven’t the coordination to do my own pony tail.
Also, today, a person named Mark has called multiple times. Eloise believes he is a scammer. I want to give Eloise all options and have asked Mark to communicate with me by email and to provide verification of the legitimacy of Eloise’s win. He refuses to send me an email, even to simply reply to my email to him. I am beginning to speculate that many of these scammers are psychopaths, even the current woman. Eloise laughed on the phone, saying I was taken in my Mark as legit. No, I was trying to demonstrate how Mark and others are frauds. Eloise then went into a long story about how she has been unable to do so many things in her life with me, because I was so controlling. Rather, I have (willingly) given up much because of the limitations of her medical disabilities. Others will have to decide who has been more controlling, in the past. I admit I am trying to limit her irresponsible behavior with our very limited money.
The woman invited Eloise to leave me and live with her. Eloise is out now, trying to retrieve her lost $500. Yesterday I sent the url to this doc to a close friend of Eloise, but have not yet had a response.
It is psychologically interesting how “integrated” this new self of Eloise presents herself. She is quite adamant that I am mad and she is fully sane. Yet, when jointly doing routine things, like a very recent and enjoyable trip to Mt. Lemmon and dinner, shopping, watching TV, playing with our multiple dogs and cats – Eloise is “normal” (except for ordinary “senior moments”).
1pm – Eloise is back, and friendly. Had to go many places in an attempt to retrieve her $500 – claims it will go back to her CHASE account, not yet. Eloise now agrees that all prior persons were scammers, and that she did lose money. Yet, she insists the current woman is not a scammer and that I remain a problem for her.
********************************** SEPT 1,2017
This was written on Sept 1. I gave the text below to Eloise to read, which she did. She claimed it was biased and didn’t believe it was true. I will offer her to contribute her side. She was distant last night, locked herself into her bedroom with a phone. She was calling a local, new “friend”, who I explained to why I had interrupted, and then let them talk without my listening. This morning, Eloise is her usual friendly self. We fed the animals and she went off to the shoemakers. She answered my query whether she had changed her mind about this report: yes, but not now. Around 8am, 9/1, I put the home phone back on line. Within a minute I got a call from a sweepstakes person, probably set to robocall. I had to set the phones off-line again.
That was in the morning. We did some normal food shopping. Then, when I began balancing our bank accounts I discovered Eloise had withdrawn $500 cash this morning from her basic CHASE checking account, while going to the shoemaker (who was closed). Since, she told me she sent it somewhere. She feels giddy about being secretive, and that it her right to do anything she wants. When she talks with others on the phone, I listen, she characterizes me as utterly crazy! She acts as if she is totally convinced she will be getting millions. That we are already $700 short on bills due in September (not counting food or gasoline), didn’t phase her a bit. I have confiscated her bank cards, but she could visit the bank and get more money. She invaded my room and found her cell phone, which she uses frequently so I can’t hear. One option is for me to leave this house, with my money, and she will then lose the house – unless she can entice Tommy and Renee to move in.
Eloise’s affect is difficult to understand. Most of the time it is as if nothing has happened; although there are tiny slips from normal behavior. Example, three times driving today she went the wrong way. She is exceeding forgetful about little things. She is friendly UNTIL I question her about money; then she is dismissive, not angry.
********************************** AUG 31, 2017
Today (8/31), I had to confiscate Eloise’s cell phone and the three home phones. The latter I have to keep off line to block the endless calls from persons instructing Eloise to go to the bank and send them more thousands of dollars, so she can get her millions of dollars sweepstakes winnings. One caller, kept on the phone with Eloise for more than an hour, where I had to make noises, on another handset, so he couldn’t instruct Eloise. He wouldn’t stop. I had to forcefully take the phone from Eloise, while she beat on me – no damage. I really regret having to use force. I had to do this earlier with her cell phone – a different scammer. A moment ago I gave the house phone to Eloise to call a friend. The scammer called, and I was forced to confiscate the phone again. I can’t leave the house without Eloise with me; and am fearful when she goes out without me. The persistence of the man wouldn’t be done by any honest broker for sweepstakes winners. The record of her gullibility is now widely known, and it is worth their time and effort to pursue her. As I write, I try to turn our phone back on, so others might call; but the scammer is there immediately. He must have our number on robocall. Would a legit person do this? They are masters of deception for the gullible.
In the past few months, Eloise has lost us over $7,000 to scammers. She admits to these past scams, but insists the current wins are valid, even though they use exactly the same MO as those which were successful. I have concrete data to verify all these losses. Many times Eloise and I have talked or visited persons of “authority”, who strongly advised that ALL these offers were scams. Eloise has read and comprehended the criteria for valid sweepstakes winning. Never any upfront money needed. IRS taxes arranged after the checks are delivered. Yet, she so much wants to win, she ignores these warnings. For years, she daily gets 5-10 snail-mail announcements of her potential winnings. She no longer sends them money and is opening fewer and fewer – a good trend.
Last week she was deceptive and potentially lost us about $3,000. She told me she was driving to Michael’s to buy a pearl item to make jewelry. I approve of this; as she hasn’t done anything with her many gems in more than a year. I later discovered she also went to two different banks, withdrawing $1,000+ cash from two of our credit cards. Next day, she again went to Michael’s, to buy a wire for a necklace, but also went to a third bank and sent out the cash money to a sweepstakes person.
Yesterday, after promising not to send any more money, she arranged with a different person who called her on the phone, for him to payoff two of our credit cards. Then, she used the new credit to send him money. A few months ago she arranged this with her Kohl’s card. After she sent the money, the deposit turned out to be invalid and we lost $2,500. At the time of the Kohl’s scam, she had started to do the same for two other credit cards. I caught this, didn’t let her send money, and changed the cards, trapping the scammers money. Since then, I have received threats from fake FBI, fake banks, fake IRS, fake police – all which I confirmed were fake. I am willing to return the money, but they must expose themselves. They are still threatening us, today with a call threatening immediate arrest.
Eloise used credit cards from USBank and Citi. She sent most of what was paid off on the USBank card, but I had blocked her paying off from the Citi card. She can’t keep the banks straight in her mind. I show her the online record from the banks, but she is unable to comprehend them. She insists “more” was paid-off than what is recorded – because she can’t remember that she used two credit cards.
[9/1, I called the scammer from yesterday, while Eloise was out. I instructed him to contact me by email and provide evidence that he was legit. He has yet to send me an email. He first claimed he hadn’t called in many days; but relented when I told him I had used the number he had called 4 times, yesterday, as missed calls. He seemed very unprofessional, and he had difficulty copying down my email address, as if he was unfamiliar with email (He knew gmail, but not AOL). I instructed him to take back his payoff to the Citi card; which he has not yet done. Eloise had communicated with him weeks ago, and collectively sent him only $250, where he had requested $7,000 (for the IRS, but send the check made out to him). He sent a 3 page WORD doc, online, which smacks of fraud. I have attached that WORD doc to the email that contains the url to this doc.]
After each incident, Eloise has accepted that she was scammed. But, the next day she is on the phone for hours exchanging deeply personal information, in friendly dialog, with very competent con persons. I listen in and they are very talented. Sometimes I join in, with Eloise strongly resisting.
I, Larry, do suffer from some form of dementia, but I believe it doesn’t match Alzheimer’s. My dementia is known to my PCP. During my recent visit with her, while I was being examined by her assistant, she took Eloise aside. Eloise claims my PCP told her I had Alzheimer’s, that I shouldn’t drive. I have yet to confirm this with my PCP. I am fully open to have both of us examined by a competent team. Eloise refuses any examination and is adamant she hasn’t dementia, although she frequently admits many losses of cognitive functioning – which she attributes to her body pains and the weather.
There are many other symptoms that Eloise has demonstrated over the year. However, it is only the past month that she has become belligerent. I speculate she plots to have me declared incompetent, and then she will control my income. (Am I paranoid?) All my income (3/4 of our joint incomes) goes to support her buying addiction. When we argue over finances, it ends up her accusing my parents for being low class and not teaching me to respect money. She accuses me of not seeking a higher paying profession. She expresses strong entitlement from her wealthy youth. When we first met and married, she had been working with SDS and Angela Davis, and was enjoying living like a hippy.
I worry about the safety of her driving. Soon, neither of us should be driving a car. I am often frightened when driving with her, as is grandson Tommy. I fear she is going to rear end all the cars she pulls up to at stops, going far faster than I would do and breaking at the last minute. She takes pride in being a New York Driver. A few time she had been distracted, and my shouts saved us.
Many tasks that desperately need doing have sat here for many months. My physical condition doesn’t permit me to do those tasks myself. For example, the large freezer in the laundry room has been so packed with ice, we can’t get at 90% of the food – a condition now going on for 8 months. Her excuse is that Tommy’s stored tools in the room make it impossible. But, she waits and waits for Tommy to complete his personal work on his workshop, occupying ALL of our carport. Tommy’s bedroom, not used for a year, sits full of his stuff. I need that room to unload into, so as to clean/order my own bedroom/office – the only room in the house I have any say about anything. The guest room is also a stuffed storeroom, made so when Tommy remade the kitchen (excellent work) and never took stuff he stored there after he “finished”. Tommy’s things are everywhere, and he won’t even pay his part of our cell phone bill, most of which are his uses.
Tommy is a very good and highly talented young man, but he unconsciously exploits us. Eloise refuses to do anything. Tommy and Renee are on vacation in California as I write this. He will probably agree with me about Eloise’s dementia, but will be unable to help. Daughter Stephanie is over stressed and psychologically disabled. She graduates with her Master’s Degree from Grand Canyon University on October 13. Eloise’s birthday is September 9th, 73.
My recent discovery of myself on the Autism Syndrome Scale explains much of my life, including my passivity in social and family situations. This is uniquely aggravated by my lifelong loss of mental imagery in all sensory modes – thus having no concrete remembrances. Many of my “senior moments” are only amplification of problems I’ve had with memory, all my life. I can concentrate very well, which Eloise seems unable to do, anymore.
I take meds that do help me with my many acknowledged symptoms. My PCP periodically gives me a “test”, to which I answer correctly most parts, except remembering a list of words. I can focus on tasks when required, as I can still write well. It is the periods between foci that I my mind wanders and I no long have spontaneous insights. However, I have many stimulated insights. My focused, creative mind is actually improving (my assessment). My cognitive dysfunctions are not characteristic of Alzheimer’s. My PCP is not interested in my self reports, although she did read a many page doc on my blog.
Eloise now has very significant word recovery issues. She will often stammer trying to remember a word. Her previous super excellent memory of place locations has seriously declined. She has strong interest in, what I view as trivia. She is fascinated about little detailed events she sees on TV – much more than before. It is the major shift to the tiny and emotional events that is new. She is addicted to the home makeover TV programs. She frequently falls asleep watching TV. All she does around the house is: feeding our animals, laundry, mopping the floors, some meal prep and cleanup, and shopping. The house and yard are filled with things left where they once were. She forgets how to use her computer (which IS troublesome) and refuses to re-learn. She seldom looks at her email. There are a few contacts with old friends that she keeps putting off (I do the same).
Eloise’s mother had severe Alzheimer’s, and was under supervised care for many years; her care a major stress on Eloise. I know part of Eloise’s denial of any meaningful dementia results from her fears. Strangely, I have been unable to get her PCP to evaluate her and prescribe meds that can significantly delay the symptoms. It is only the past few days that I have used the Alzheimer word with Eloise, because of her behavior and that she continually claims my reaction to her behavior is due to my Alzheimer’s (claiming it was my PCP’s diagnosis).
I am at a loss of what to do. We soon will be unable to do basic maintenance on this house and yards, which Eloise owns, at very low mortgage. A much smaller rental would cost much more. Decreasing disorder in house and yard is now beyond our physical ability to repair. I gave up cleaning-up dog poo as I fear falling. I have an extended care policy, should I fall. However, I recently read that the company, Bankers Life, is not very good. I still water the plants, but I stumble many times, not yet falling. Eloise has given up attending to anything outside (like trimming the plants) – yet she envisions herself gaining better health and returning to home&yard making. Her physical strength and stamina are better than mine; but her multiple pains are constant. We will soon need in-house care, but our finances are very limited. We have lived on increasing debt (like the USA) for many years, and have reached our limit. Eloise frequently fantasizes on us traveling, many places. Should she market some of her antiques and doll collection, she might afford a few trips – but she insists on leaving ALL her collections for us to handle after she dies. Eloise is an “orderly hoarder”: so, so much stuff in drawers and cabinets – and more collecting on the top of every furniture surface.
This is already too long. I have yet to decide who to send it to. Our immediate need is for someone to convince Eloise that she probably won’t win big money and that she is putting us deeper in debt. I cannot continue to live with her when she completely disrespects me and won’t face our joint reality. I fully recognize that my frequent SHOUTING behavior, usually in response to being dissed, is not useful. However, the NOISE I make on phone with the scammers is not spontaneous emotion, but rationally disruptive of their attempts to manipulate Eloise. I had given Eloise the freedom, from my interference, in JUST TALKING with sweepstakes reps, in case she might have actually won. [9/1 – She has since violated this trust, multiple times.] Many claim to be legal firms working with abandoned winnings, and require a fee. But, an up front fee is illegal. Eloise knows this. Her failure to learn that the same MO is probably fraud is my strongest evidence of the seriousness of her dementia, and possibly Alzheimer’s.
Thank you for attending,